1. Listen with empathy and look for ways to fulfill their emotional need.
2. Check in with the client before the emotional eruption in a way that demonstrates you care about them as a person, not just a client.
- Before we get started, Michael, How are you doing? Are you ok?
- Before we get into the specifics, are you ok? I know this has been a lot and very frustrating for you?
- Hello Tonya, how are you doing with everything really?
3. Provide clarity on why you cannot do what the client wants you to do or solve the issue to their satisfaction.
- When providing clarity, make sure you are not communicating in a way that makes the client feel like you are building a case against them as to why they are wrong and you are right.
- When providing clarity, use word choices that can show empathy, “I see where you are coming from” “unfortunately….” I wish it were the case that….
4. It can be helpful for the client to see you taking notes about what they are saying. This lets the client know that you are taking what they are saying seriously and that it’s important that their information is captured.
5. Before responding to a specific issue, remind the client that your intentions are to help them as much as possible. You are on their team and you are not their enemy.
6. Let the client know your goals (the things that benefit them that you can guarantee)
- “Before you leave this meeting, I want you to have more clarity around your case.
- Before leaving this room, I want you to know your options.
- Before you leave this room, I want you to clearly understand the facts.
- Our goal is to put you in a better position than when you first came to us as a client.
7. Acknowledge the emotion with empathy.
- I understand your frustration.
- You have the right to feel how you feel.
8. Be on the client’s team by finding areas of agreement and ways to say they are right!
- “I am also frustrated that we can’t do more. You are right. The driver should not have been drinking.”
- “You are right. This was not your fault that you were hit by a drunk driver.”
- I agree this has taken a considerable amount of time.
- You are right. The laws do need to change.
9. Tell a personal story that displays your good character and good intent.
- Share a personal, heartbreaking story about you.
- Share something that was unfair that happened to you that you had no control over
- Share a story about your mission and what drives you to do this work.
10. Acknowledge their expectations (even if they are not grounded in reality). You will often see an emotional reaction when expectations do not meet reality.
- It sounds like you expected ……… do I have that correct (this shows you were listening)
- What I am hearing is that your expectations are not being met. Is that correct? Help me understand.
- The purpose of this is to display that you hear them and acknowledge they are not happy. This is a better choice than glossing over their emotions. This can provide the emotional need for acknowledgment.
- A common mistake people make talking to an emotional person is trying to get them to see things their way. They do not want to see it your way; they want you to see it their way.
